Every night I lay awake
In my heart a promise I make
I promised to walk away
Never hear a word you say
Every step towards a new light
For me it was a tough fight
I promised to stay on track
but you keep trying to drag me back
Every time I try to hide from you
focusing on only what is true
I promise to not let you haunt
but you are always back with a taunt
Every time I feel I have moved on
looking forward to a new dawn
I promise to ignore my inner voice
somehow you never give me a choice
I want you to know
I need to let go
you were my past
Someone who did not last
I have worked hard for a new me
A happier life I can to see
I want you to leave
because with you new dreams I can't achieve
This is me telling myself I need to let go of the negative thoughts, my negative inner voice that keeps pulling me back. I'm not sure how many go through this but even now after losing weight it is sometimes (most of the times) very difficult for me to believe the fact that I'm not fat or overweight and it does get in the way of things, I don't stop working out or eating healthy but my mood does change and the way I behave changes.I hate being so negative so I'm currently work in progress because even though I have family and friends who love me and support me , I feel I'm the only person who can get me away from these thoughts.
Do ever feel this way? what do you do?as usual I would love to know :)
Keep Reading I will Keep Writing
Tanvee
Hi Tanvee! Wow. You express yourself very well. Yes, I obviously feel the negative thoughts sometimes. Other times, they seem sort of like hazy ghosts that are not so obvious--but clearly present in subtle ways. I don't even know how many things I avoid because I'm too scared to be wrong about something that doesn't really matter very much. I'm certain that much of my fear to succeed with my book writing is from those negative messages of my childhood. My parents both thought that writing was a worthless hobby. They also taught me to be a perfectionist rather than a realist, so I can never seem to be done with my book. I believe this is from my childhood because all of my own 4 kids are so much more open to ideas and daring than I am. They try and succeed so easily and finish projects in a prompt manner, while I am 5 steps forward and 4 steps back so many times.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling a LOT of this today--but I'll get through it. :D
:-) Marion
Thank you Marion for being so sweet and complimenting my writing :) I feel because of my negative thoughts I become a different person...if you catch me on one of my bad days my voice also does not sound the same, my walk is different and I'm the least confident person in the room, I think all my life I have tried to be better than who I was and I have never really lived up to my own expectations or somehow my expectation keep changing. Even now I can never say I'm proud or happy about anything I have done in my life. I can find faults in anything I have done without giving it a second thought and this so difficult to share with people because they can't see what I see.. :(
DeleteI agree with you about focusing on trying to be perfect rather than realistic and that definitely keeps pulling me back
I hope you get through today and get back to your confident self for me you are one of the strongest and most determined, smartest I know :)
It is so very hard to move away from those negative thoughts and feelings. I know that I internally "beat myself up" by telling myself that I was a failure because I couldn't control my eating, etc. It was almost a self-fulfilling prophecy for me. The more negative thoughts I had about myself the less effort I made into taking care of my health.
ReplyDeleteYou write so beautifully! Stay focused on all the positive things in your life - including yourself.