(This is not a weight loss/fitness post - so you can skip it if you want)
I have always been on the quieter side, somebody who preferred
to remain not seen, I hated conflicts and not once did I ever stand up for
myself. I have smile and laughed about comments that hurt me. I have no idea why but I was always used to thinking from other people’s
point of view. Though I have a loving family (no strict parents, very loving
grandparents, actually all my relationships are very open – if any of them read
this they will be surprised) but I still rarely voiced my opinion. 95% of the times I agreed with people because
I put myself in their position in the process I have had very few arguments and
conflicts in my life. To everybody I was always a happy child and I think I
never gave myself the time to think about what I really wanted to do.I always assumed I was not good enough to have my own ideas, everybody else made more sense, everybody else was smarter...
Now suddenly things are changing, I am not sure if it is my
weight loss journey or the fact that I have started to live on my own or maybe
I am just getting older ;). I
am still not as confident as I would like to be but I voice my opinion more
often. I have changed from always thinking only about other people’s perspective
to paying attention to what I feel and daring to say it aloud.
You would think I am happier but I feel I am in a lot more stress now, when I agreed with everybody there were no arguments it was only fun and I was kind of happy because everybody loved me. There was a time when you could come an hour late to meet me and I would be ok, but now I don't like it,I am very clear about it. I have had people talk crap about my choice of clothes but now if I like it I will wear it. (though I am feeling guilty most of the times after speaking up)
When I speak up most people are surprised and tell me how much I have changed, some say I have become selfish. I argue a lot more and I still feel the need to give an explanation for everything I do,I still look for approval and try to make everybody happy (never works, if you have different opinions)
You would think I am happier but I feel I am in a lot more stress now, when I agreed with everybody there were no arguments it was only fun and I was kind of happy because everybody loved me. There was a time when you could come an hour late to meet me and I would be ok, but now I don't like it,I am very clear about it. I have had people talk crap about my choice of clothes but now if I like it I will wear it. (though I am feeling guilty most of the times after speaking up)
When I speak up most people are surprised and tell me how much I have changed, some say I have become selfish. I argue a lot more and I still feel the need to give an explanation for everything I do,I still look for approval and try to make everybody happy (never works, if you have different opinions)
I feel like I am hanging in between trying to voice my opinion,
being myself without wanting to risk the side effects of having to listen to
people’s opinion too. It’s difficult for me because the same people who told me
to become independent and strong now tell me I am becoming too strong and selfish
without considering them.
I have to choose to either believe in myself and stay strong
or just go back to nodding my head to what everybody has to say and make them
happy...
what do you think?
what do you think?
Keep Reading
I will Keep Writing
Tanvee
Tanvee
Hi Tanvee, I had a very similar change from very quiet to opinionated. It wasn't that I wasn't opinionated when I was quiet, I was just thinking it and wasn't saying it, mostly to fit in. It's a good thing for you to be opinionated and to enjoy and value your own opinion. And you can't please everyone else anyway. Good friends are happy that you're happy, regardless of your opinion. I disagree on some strong point with most of my best friends--that does not matter at all! Keep being you! :D
ReplyDeleteThank you Marion, i worry so much about losing a few people in my life because our views don't match, that is my worst nightmare, i just hope we can be like you and your friends regardless of opinions we still remain the same...
DeleteHi Tanvee! I have a degree in child development. So I can speak (at least in this area) as an expert: growth usually happens in a pendulum fashion. Meaning, we tend to swing wildly from side to side before we settle some where in the middle. It's not at all unusual for a person to start out really mild mannered, then as they mature and find 'their voice' perhaps occasionally ruffle a few feathers, before they find the nice settling point of being able to speak up for one's self, without always having to bruise the feelings of others. Not saying you are bruising any feelings; it could be those around you are to settled in their own ways and don't like change...and you speaking up for you is unsettling for them because it's new. You are a wise young woman...if you haven't found the balance yet, you will... Don't stop being your own advocate. If others don't like it, they will just have to figure out a way to adjust. Be yourself, protect yourself, continue to try to do no harm to others unless it is to protect yourself or someone else, and life will straighten itself out. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Gwen, spoken like a true expert, I am still trying to figure out how to balance things and it certainly is difficult for people to adjust with the new me, I hope I can find a balance soon, I worry about losing very important people in my life just because i have started to speak up...I even know i hurt a few people when I speak up, mostly because they are surprised by my opinion and even more surprised to see me stand by it instead of understanding their point of view as usual...hopefully soon things will settle down :)
ReplyDeleteGoing from extremely to shy (until the age of 14) to very outgoing and opinionated (at its height in my twenties) then back to "softer mannered" and more introspective (in my thirties) has been my trajectory. You will figure out where you belong.
ReplyDeleteExpressing your opinion, in some situations, will upset others, but sometimes it's the only way to be respected. I recommend using diplomacy, the best way to "soften" what you have to say. :-) Good luck, and keep us updated!
I am still softer but sometimes I do get more stern..I don't increase my volume but usually the stern me is enough to upset people who are used to the softer me..I want to reach a point in life where I am at peace even when people do not agree with me these days I break my head over why they can't see my point of view...
DeleteI think since u r working now etc it may be being used as leniency by others. But u need to be true and strong as u grow up in office etc. All the best.
ReplyDeletethank you Gopinath for your advise
DeleteI see myself in this post!
ReplyDelete:) I wish we can change to become stronger people
Delete